Spring Break!!

3/24

Well I'm writing this on my one-millionth train trip between Chicago and South Bend, 2hrs37min plus taking the El home.  Its always a bittersweet trip, but since September has been much better since I usually have Tiffany to ride with me.  Its an odd feeling because going TO South Bend is usually nice, since I'm going home FOR something, but leaving always feels sad to be leaving home but relaxing and nice to be GOING home.  Its weird having two homes, I guess.  

Its nice though especially being relatively po' to have an abundance of food and drink at my parents' house, especially my latest craving, vanilla soy milk.  Its like a melted vanilla shake.  The "Very Vanilla" flavor is "The Taste Kids Love".  Yes, yes it  is.  Yum.  Tiffany made my family her specialty and favorite, Red Beans and Rice.  There was some dispute about the existence of red beans, and whether they were different from kidney beans.  But it was tasty.  Too bad the ND basketball game wasn't.  There always seems to be a wealth of Breyers Vanilla Bean Ice Cream to welcome me as well.

I'm also finally reading my Aunt Patricia's lengthy writings about the last year and months and weeks of Aunt Glo's life, and my grandma's as well.  It certainly dredges up feelings that have been only barely submerged.  Of course so does celebrating Easter at my grandma's house, but the weird part is that mostly its just like normal with lots of people and food, and you forget that someone is missing, or more importantly WHY, even if it IS her own house. 

I did wanna go visit her new resting place since it was the first holiday we had spent without her, but my dad said her headstone wasn't prepared yet or anything because of the weather, so I sorta let it go.

*ANYWAY*, otherwise it was nice being home even if it DID snow.  Being home is never long enough, even if it IS for a week.  Its a nice calm, relaxed, free feeling being there, especially if my only priority is spending time with people.  I always wish I had more time to talk to Chris about work and life and such, or Nathan about lots of stuff but he's usually out and about like I was in high school.  And Jenny I just never get enough time to talk to about anything really.  Its interesting because her and I are very much alike in personality and even some interests (art, music, reading) and yet our lives and activities have taken completely different paths, but it'd be nice if we could be closer friends regardless.

This week as you know I'm running the triathlon.  Unfortunately I'm not getting healthy as quickly as I had hoped- unfortunately the food, desserts, and Easter candy didn't helps as much over the weekend as I'd hoped, but some sleep did.

What I wouldn't give for a week with no obligations where I could do whatever I wanted to.  It would definitely include playing a lot of guitar.  I'm currently listening to some depressing Counting Crows.  They release a new album tomorrow!  Its amazing the experiences and memories I have tied to music...but that could be due to the fact that I try to listen to it whenever humanly possible.

I'm gonna check out now and try and work on a couple things and clean up my computer.  I'm flying out tomorrow to visit my friend Paul in Lake Charles, LA, home of lots of factories and casinos.  I get to stay in "Carl's Room" at long last- when Paul bought the house I was in life transition and he was trying to get me to move there and move in with him :)  After a few days its off to Houston for the triathlon.  Hopefully some sun and warm weather will clear out my sinuses before then.  Please dear God.

Everyone who donated, thanks, I'm still trying to bug people once more cause I'm at $775 out of my $1,000 goal.  Never thought I'd get nearly that much.  Wow.  Bye.

Looking back, I think the hardest part was when grandma got beyond being able to talk, and because of her health and everyone missing work and school that I was really just waiting around hoping she would pass sooner than later.  I almost didn't have the space to really feel the hurt because it was replaced by relief at her pain being over and everyone being able to get back to the important events in their lives.  Being that relieved that someone is gone was weird then and is weird now- much of the grieving for her death took place before it had even taken place I suppose...